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my take on the top ten ways...a rebuttal from a sister.As a young African professional woman quickly approaching that age where my single status is perpetually discussed at every family gathering, I am appalled by the advice given vis-à-vis “hooking” a husband. Mind you, it is not the content of the advice that I take issue with…hey, if I was so inclined I would devour all of it in an instant…but with the fact that we are still talking about marriage as if it is the apex of a woman's life. It's bad enough that my family gives me sidelong glances as if questioning my sexuality. Yeah! I noticed. And when I dare to introduce a male friend…please note: the key word friend WITHOUT quotation marks being lost to all…my family pounces on him like he was a succulent dish served in the last supper. Not been partial to any institutions myself…marriage or otherwise…I have devised my own set of rules for those single sistas out there holding steadfast to singledom… well, until Denzel wizens up and leaves his Hollywood wife. Alas! We are a dying breed, as we lose more sistas every single day to the Baby GAP. Here is my top ten list of how to AVOID marriage:
1. Avoid taking home the first man who gives you a passing glance. Be as selective as possible in whom you chose to pass with your carefree non-work days. After all, it takes you longer to buy a pair of shoes and at least those, you can return for credit or another pair. 2. Participate in as many alcohol-sodden male-bashing sessions you can find. This is especially important should your resolve falter. If you cannot round up your usual cliché of girlfriends because they have ditched you for the enemy…form your own group by soliciting other fellow male-bashers. Believe me, they are out there and only waiting for a sympathetic ear to their sob-story and a glass of wine to loosen their tongues. 3. Cancel your gym membership. If the good Lord meant for you to run for prolonged periods of time on a treadmill, he would have made you a hamster. 4. Treat your smiles like gold and reserve them for the worthy. Smiling at every single man you meet like a Cheshire cat is only liable to give you wrinkles and/or have you arrested for insane behavior. 5. Repeat after me: 401(K), dental coverage and health benefits. These should be the basic standards by which a man's income should be judged. Besides, you are looking to give up your hourly non-benefits job at Mickie D's for the high life. 6. If you should be unfortunate enough to find yourself with an “overnight guest” who will not leave…after all, what you do in your non-waking hours is none of my business…a sure fire way to get rid of him is to demand that he marry you at your earliest convenience. He will high tail it out of the door so fast that you may want to hold on to this rule like a “Get out of Jail Free” card in monopoly and recycle it for future use. 7. For those of you who claim to have “needs”…I understand that a good time can now be had for $19.99.But you may need to shell out an extra buck or two for the batteries. B.O.B (Battery Operated Brother) is now your new friend and he does not even demand breakfast in the morning. 8. Reward yourself on a Saturday night with a few hours of Lifetime TV. This is a never-ending resource for male-bashing topics and should bolster your resolve to remain single and carefree. 9. Keep your eye on Denzel Washington, Taye Diggs and Morris Chestnut…hey, who knows! They may come to their senses and conduct a manhunt for you. 10. What's the point in learning to cook when your local store sells single-serving frozen meals? For Pete's sake, we are in America so when in Rome…. Should none of these rules work and you find yourself walking down the aisle in pearly white, just remember; he was well worth it for putting up with your crap so you may want to run out and buy my next edition: How to keep the single sistas away from your man...By Caroline Wanyoike
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