domestic

Domestic violence is a concern all over the world and particularly in Africa.

In Africa, domestic violence is rising to pandemic levels. The statistics are alarming. According to surveys, 40 % of Zambian women, 42% of Kenyan women, 60% of Ugandan women and as high as 81% of Nigerian women report abuse by their husbands.

This kind of violence transcends ethnic, social class, geographical and economic lines. It is widespread across our continent and in our communities. Often times, domestic violence is thought of as a socio-economic problem. One that afflicts the poor and uneducated, but the statistics do not support that theory. This is a concern that disproportionately affects women; while both men and women may be victims of domestic violence, by and large, women are at greater risk.

Ama* (names have been changed) is a medical resident, having graduated from one of the premier medical schools in the US. Her boyfriend Musa* known to be a sophisticated gentleman, has received degrees from well-recognized institutions all over the world. He speaks three languages: English, French and his native language; is employed in New York as a managing partner in a law firm, he is the picture of an eligible bachelor. Ama was considered one of the luckiest women in US/African society. The Tiffany diamond engagement ring she wore was the talk of her social circles. The loft apartment were they both lived was beautifully decorated. Yet, Ama lived in constant fear. If she forgot to put a coaster on their expensive Italian marble coffee table before setting a glass down, he would knock it off the table and holding her head down to the carpet, force her to clean up the mess. One day, he held her face so close to broken glass that , she cut her lip; She still bears the scar. Ama says she was hit at least three times a week, the same frequency some couples use to describe their lovemaking.

Nearly every African woman has been touched by domestic violence, from the child who convinced herself that the swollen lips and eyes her mother frequently had were as a result of a food allergy to the woman who has become an expert in applying makeup to hide the effects of asking one question too many. Jane*, a lagosian lawyer, was dating a rich Nigerian businessman. While he wasn't formally educated, he dominated the marketplace in a number of arenas and was quite successful. As a result, he had luxurious homes in several Nigerian cities, as well as a flat in London and New York. They had only been dating for about a month when he first slapped her. She had been talking to one of her male colleagues at a party for too long. She was embarrassing him, he said.

She soon learnt how to dodge the bullets in their relationship, so much so that he often bragged to his friends about how he had her under control. Her friends reported that while she now wore expensive clothing and traveled abroad frequently, she was subdued, no longer the same person. One day, a week after he had paid her bride price and 6 months before their “white” wedding, he bought her an outfit that she was to wear to a society event with him. The maid burned a hole in it while ironing. So she wore something else. They never made it to that event. He wasn't interested in the hows or whys of her explanation; he just unleashed his rage and started to beat her. He pummeled her, screaming, “So you want to hide my love, eh!” When the maid saw Jane was bleeding and no longer resisting, she ran to get the guards outside who came in and pulled him off. She was rushed to the hospital. Barely breathing. Jane suffered internal injuries to her liver and her ovaries. She had a broken jaw and broken ribs. She had to be hospitalized for over 2 months, and the doctors felt it was doubtful she would ever conceive. Her family returned the bride price.

Domestic violence destroys persons, families, communities and nations. It adversely affects the health of its victims. The World Bank estimates that rape and domestic abuse account for a loss of 5% of healthy years of life to women of reproductive age in Africa. Consider this bearing in mind that the average life expectancy on the continent averages out at around 50yrs.

Not only does domestic violence affect its victims physically but it has a negative impact on one's psychological health as well. Victims suffer low self-esteem, depression, which is linked to suicide. In fact, studies have shown that 1 in every 4 suicide attempts by women has been preceded by some form of abuse. Ama, said that during the height of the beatings, she would stay at the hospital longer than she needed to. Taking call for other residents, sometimes she would be at the hospital for 4 days straight, “I was the hardest working resident” she recalls, smiling dryly. She started taking narcotic painkillers to dull the pain in her body. Soon, she started taking them to dull the pain in her soul.

Damage to the family is also tremendous. Children are affected by the images of domestic violence even when they are not direct victims. Some become abusers, continuing the cycle, others are so traumatized that it creates dysfunction in their relationships. As a result, the trauma is far reaching affecting the society as a whole.

Why does domestic violence flourish in our society? For a number of reasons, firstly, we don't discuss it. Dona*, a public health professional, said she felt like she couldn't talk about it because she was overwhelmed with shame. This didn't happen to women like her. She was financially independent, intelligent and had access to information and resources. She felt people would think she was “stupid” to allow the abuse to continue. Ama, expressed the same sentiment. She didn't tell anyone at first. She was too ashamed, she said with tears in her eyes, but her friend at the hospital had caught her crying in the bathroom and witnessed her stealing pills. She confronted her and Ama confessed. She noted that her friend provided a refuge for her where she could discuss her problems without being judged.“And then she did this wonderful thing, she didn't judge me, she just helped me”.

Secondly, our society tends to foster the idea of keeping women in line. Most of Africa operates in a patriarchal culture that upholds the notion of women as second-class citizens . This idea is so pervasive that even the most educated of our men tend to have a sense of superiority, and some have come to expect complete submission. Even when discussing this article with male counterparts, the majority of them asked questions like “Well, does the study say what the women did to provoke the abuse ?” The concept of blaming the victim is an unfortunate standard in our society. New vision newspaper in Kampala, Uganda reported the Energy state minister as saying “some husbands battered their wives because the women failed to involve themselves in small business to supplement the incomes of their husbands and depended on them for everything”. The concept of the why being more important than the abuse itself, trivializes the abuse. It makes the notion of beating a woman justifiable, as long as you have good reason and it is within acceptable limits. Acceptable limits, one imagines are defined as somewhere in between pain and death.

This same patriarchal culture does not dole out harsh punishments for abusers. Domestic violence is seen as a family problem and in many countries victims are urged not to waste police time on minor incidents. The same Ugandan energy minister (whose views are not isolated) urged women to only involve the courts when the cases were of a very serious nature. Leaving one to wonder again, what is serious? Does one have to lose a leg? Maybe an eye?

Thirdly, economic and social disadvantages are part of the equation. Some women have no other options. “Where shall I go? What will my children eat? How will we survive? These are the questions some women ask themselves when considering rebelling against the status quo.

What must be done to fight domestic violence in our society?

We must first start with communication. We must release the victims from feeling shame and allow them to unburden themselves. As we begin to hear the stories of these victims, perhaps we will begin to understand the magnitude of the problem.

Secondly, we must attack this problem as a society, not just as women. We must look at gender insensitivity and gender discrimination . In Nairobi, there was a 5-day regional seminar where the men said that there could be no development, peace, social harmony and justice as long as gender inequalities persist. Nyaradzai Gumbonzvanda , Africa regional director of United Nations development fund for women, UNIFEM, said “… you cannot only target the victim of violence in searching for solutions and in the healing process .” We have to involve men in the process of finding a solution to domestic violence. Town hall style meetings and informal discussions between both sexes are important keys to finding a workable solution.

There is hope for tomorrow in Africa. Many countries are starting to recognize domestic violence as a serious problem and are combating it accordingly. In South Africa, Mauritius and Namibia, legislation on gender violence has been embraced and is being enforced. In Nigeria, non-governmental agencies like Project Alert, inform the masses about the problem of domestic violence through literature and seminars.

As for Ama, she has since returned the Tiffany diamond, has received treatment for her trauma and addiction and now works at a women's health center. She still sees a therapist but she spends her time helping other women. She is however, single as the thought of being with a man still disturbs her.

Jane is married to her abuser now. He begged her forgiveness and despite her family's resistance, she returned to him after her stay in the hospital. She says he no longer hits her and is a new man. However, she has been seen wearing dark glasses, even on rainy days. Her friends continue to pray for her.

Domestic violence affects all of us. If you know someone who is a victim or an abuser, please help him or her seek help.

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domestic violence: A continual problem

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